THE DRUNK AND THE TOOTHLESS

EARL

Josepha, I was moving the washing machine from the front porch to the yard and I found these Billy Bob teeth by the swing.

JOSEPHA

Oh, you must've taken them off after your first bottle. You know how you don't like it when the glass hits your teeth and you aim gets so bad after awhile.

EARL

Ya, but I don't think these are mine. I remember the wart being on the left and the black one on the bottom. This one has two warts and no front bottoms.

(PAUSE, MUSIC)

JOSEPHA

That's probably a dried corn nut. You must've knocked out the bottoms. That Thunderbird glass is pretty thick. I'll go look for them next to the busted El Camino in the front yard. That's where you passed out last night after your sister left. I think you left your overalls there too.

EARL

(stupidly suspicious)Okay, but hurry up, it's free snack night at the bar.

JOSEPHINE HEADS FOR THE YARD. EARL TO THE BATHROOM. (FOOTSTEPS, DOOR)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scene 2. Front Yard, Preacher Willie (PW) drives up

(SFX: OUTSIDE AMB, CAR DRIVES UP GRAVEL DRIVEWAY, ENGINE OFF, CAR DOOR)

PW

Josepha, my dear child, how are you today?

JOSEPHA

PW, I told you not to come 'round when Earl's sober.

PW

I know but tomorrow's preachin' day and I lost my teeth.

JOSEPHA

Here (hands him the teeth). Don't you remember you took them off right before our private prayer service. You know how I like it when you're speakin' in tongues.

PW

Oh, Josepha, I'm gonna take you away from all this, I promise. As soon as I start my cable show, I'm gonna buy you a brand new double-wide.

JOSEPHA

And can I get my moustache and hair on my back removed too?

PW

You betcha, my angel.

JOSEPHA

But what about Earl? He can't buy liquor without my food stamps.

PW Don't worry. God's Knights of the White Crusade will take care of him.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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